My Unicycle Era

In 2020 I was casually browsing Facebook, when I saw an ad for something called a OneWheel. I was immediately fascinated. If you haven’t seen one, it looks like a skateboard with a single go kart tire mounted in it’s center. Somehow, through the magic of technology, people can just stand on this thing and zoom around. My mind filled with visions of myself cruising serenely through park trails, feeling alive and in the moment. I had to know more.

I was searching for more info, as I often do when I find myself obsessed with A New Thing. This is the Obsessive stage of my particular (hobby based) kind of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This is sometimes followed by the Compulsive stage, where I buy the thing, and very often followed by the “Completely Lose Interest” stage. This stage didn’t make it in to the acronym I guess. I came across YouTubers and Redditors singing the praises of the OneWheel. One YouTube video leads to another, and the algorithm adapts, turning my feed into a non-stop infomercial for the OneWheel. One of the related videos I saw and clicked on was about EUCs, Electric Unicycles.

Electric Unicycles were interesting because the patent wasn’t owned by just one company. There’s only one company that can make a skateboard with a go kart tire in the middle, but anybody can make an Electric Unicycle. By anybody I really mean any Chinese factory owner, but in theory anybody. So with Electric Unicycles there’s more competition, variety, and innovation in the market. These things were intriguing, but in all honestly they just didn’t look as cool as the OneWheel.

The main reason I was interested in the OneWheel in the first place was my previous experience with Longboarding. My friend Michael invited me to a barbecue at the park one day, and he managed to talk me into trying out his longboard. After a short lesson, we set off through the park trails. Despite having no protective gear of any kind, I didn’t get hurt at all. I felt so alive, slowly cruising those trails, and it left an impression on me. I could get used to this!

My second time longboarding with him didn’t go so well. He took me to a parking garage, and two seconds into my descent down the slope I ate shit so hard I decided that maybe longboarding wasn’t for me after all. My wrist was messed up, and apparently I bruised the bone in my leg. I didn’t know that was even a thing. It took about nine months to fully recover from these injuries.

Ultimately, it was the memory of this incident and months of my construction job being more painful than normal that made me decide against shelling out for an electric death trap. Thus, the Compulsive stage was skipped, and I went straight to the “Completely Lose Interest” stage. Or so I thought…

My first plan to try to learn to ride was to do it in the back yard. This seemed like a great idea! If I fell off, how much could it really hurt? Well, it didn’t work, because riding on grass is actually pretty hard. So there seemed be no alternative to braving the concrete. I didn’t want to just be out in broad daylight, for all to see, repeatedly falling off a weird James Bond contraption while dressed like a dirtbike racer.

Fortunately, at the time I was working the night shift while I was installing new light fixtures at an airplane factory. So when I got out of work, I’d find an empty parking lot somewhere to practice under the cover of darkness. I could even hold on to a shopping cart to keep my balance while I was starting out. I did this 3 times before I felt confident enough to try go to the park in the day time. The first 2 nights, I really didn’t feel like I accomplished much, but on the third night, I got going twice, and was able to stay upright for about 15 seconds.

On my first day time outing, it just clicked! It’s hard to describe. At first I couldn’t conceive of how riding it would even work, and then after a few times of accidentally sort of riding it, my body just kind of started figuring it out for me. After the first time I properly got going and riding, it almost instantly became intuitive. The wheel was an extension of my body. In the following months it became more and more comfortable.

Once I learned to ride, I would go out some weekends to cruise around a park, or more often in the evening just around my neighborhood. It’s relaxing, and it is pretty practical for short errands. My biggest hindrance in taking it to places like Kroger and Taco Bell, though, was just how goofy I felt going out and about on this thing. It’s kind of embarrassing, even though I should know better and I shouldn’t care. Honestly, when I’m out riding I really don’t care, but sometimes it’s enough to stop me from heading out the door. I started riding less and less, and now I probably take it for a spin twice a year. The “Completely Lose Interest” stage has returned.

OK, so now we’re talking about actual unicycles, which really have nothing to do with EUCs. They do have the whole one wheel thing in common, but they’re very different. EUCs take a few days to learn to ride, unicycles can take a few weeks. EUCs are ridden standing up, on a unicycle you’re sitting down. EUCs are legitimately practical as an energy and space efficient mode of transport, whereas unicycles are synonymous with silliness.

So, in my time spent browsing the EUC subreddit, Discord, and Facebook groups, every so often there would be a joke about unicycles. In response to these jokes, there would always be one or two comments about how hard it is to learn to ride unicycles, or sometimes about how they’re a great workout, or something else. The effect of this was that even though EUCs didn’t really have much crossover with unicycles, the word “unicycle” was now bouncing around in my head. I’d just be sitting there, minding my own business and then “unicycle,” like a whisper from a clown spirit. Where did that come from? Oh well. Not interested.

This just kept happening. It could only go on so long before the Obsessive phase would kick in and I’d start “researching” unicycles. The entire time, of course, thinking this has to be purely academic. Obviously I’m not really getting into unicycles! This time, I really couldn’t blame it on The Algorithm. This one’s on me. It could be argued that it is The Algorithm’s fault, because I got here from EUCs, but there’s really just no drive behind it. There’s no money in unicycles! Actually, because of how niche unicycles are, the good ones are pretty expensive. I figured they’d be significantly cheaper than bikes since there’s less going on, but evidently not.

The online unicycle community is a weird and wonderful place. It’s almost entirely devoid of the kind of formulaic influencer content that’s so pervasive these days. It’s just a bunch of people united by there love for something stupid as hell. YouTube had to dig deep to serve me unicycle videos. Many of these videos had the vibe of a family home video. Parents helping their children make a video to show off their unicycle skills, that sort of thing. Just the most wholesome stuff.

I also discovered that unicycling was a pretty diverse sport. Not just in the sense of all the different people partaking, but all of the different styles. Here’s a brief run down:

I was really resisting it. Like, come on, am I really going to get in to unicycles? I’m gonna be a unicyclist? Why? How did this happen? Nope.

Now, if I’m being honest, I didn’t resist that hard. First off, they’re not that expensive. Not as cheap as I’d expect, but the one I wound up buying was $140. And secondly, it’s for exercise. So really this is an investment into my health, if you think about it. I also couldn’t help but be seduced by the challenge. It just looks impossible, and there are countless comments about how difficult it is to learn to ride a unicycle. I love a challenging video game. So the math was looking like this: Video Games + Exercise - $140 = Unicycles. I’m no scientist but I think that’s a slam dunk.

So yeah, I got one. I wasn’t planning on it, but one day we got out of work early unexpectedly. I wasn’t sure what I’d do with my free time, but I was still haunted by the word “unicycle,” so I searched for bike shops that fell on my route home. I called one, and basically said “Hey, you guys got any unicycles?” and sure enough he had one in stock. I told him I was on my way, so make sure not to sell it to anyone else!

The staff at the store were very friendly, and part of their normal procedure for selling a bike is taking you outside with it and letting you take it for a test ride around the parking lot before you make your final decision. I was fairly certain I wasn’t going to do much more than fall over, but the guy insisted. So, I went outside and fell over, went back inside and completed the purchase.

The first problem was: where the hell do I ride this thing? I knew better than to try the back yard this time, but just any parking lot wasn’t going to work. I needed a wall to prop myself up on while I clamber on to the uni. School was out, so I took it to the nearby elementary school parking lot where I could make use of the walls of the building and not too many people would be looking at me. I figured that since I had done some electrical work for the school and lived down the street I had some sort of civic right to the parking lot while it wasn’t in use. I was still kind of worried that somebody would call the cops on me, because why is there a 30 year old construction worker struggling to ride a unicycle by the school? I didn’t need to worry, though, because I’ve come to feel that you could ride a unicycle anywhere on earth and people would just chuckle and keep on walking.

My first attempts at riding were short sessions. I would prop myself up, and even with the assistance of the wall find it extremely awkward to get anywhere. I understood that I needed to be balanced over the center of the unicycle, not leaning towards the wall, or I wouldn’t be even experiencing the same thing. This is easier said than done, though, because wall or not, the entire unicycle wanted to roll out in front or behind me. These sessions were frustrating and exhausting, so I’d pack it up and try again tomorrow.

After a few days, I was able to go careening off the wall for a few feet before the uni escaped. Progress! After a few more days, I was able to periodically ride the unicycle for up to 12 feet, frantically pedalling and waving my arms like a cartoon character on the edge of a cliff. In another few days, I would be able to ride for a random amount of time, sometimes up to a minute! But not very convincingly, and if I had to make a turn it was a coin toss whether I’d fall off or not.

There was a lot to learn. Without a teacher, I could only rely on things I’d heard online. Watching videos was a bit helpful, but the best pieces of advice were written tips I’d find on forums. There were a couple tips in particular that were fundamental:

1. Keep all of your weight on the saddle. It’s easy to find yourself putting too much weight on your feet, but this makes balancing very difficult.
2. Leaning forward and pedalling have to go together. I described this in an above section, but basically you’re trying to control the fall by pedalling under where you’re falling to, and this is how you move forward and stay upright at the same time. It takes a while to build the muscle memory here, but you have to get a feel for how much to lean and how much to pedal, and link those actions together. One without the other will always lead to falling off unless you’re very good.

The next challenge, after getting comfortable enough with riding, was to stop using a wall to assist mounting. When you can stand out in the open and get on a unicycle by yourself, it’s called “free mounting.” There are a few types of free mounting, and dozens of more stylish ways to mount a uni, but I won’t go into too much depth on that here. Learning to mount a uni was almost as hard as learning to ride. If the pedals are positioned so that one is above the other, you’ll find yourself with no leverage to get yourself going with. Basically, stuck. And if they’re aligned horizontally, stepping on one will cause the other to slam into your shin with the force of all your body weight.

It turns out the latter method is closest to being correct. To properly free mount you need to align the pedals horizontally, place one foot on the pedal closest to you, and jump over it to the further pedal without putting your weight on it. Once you land in the saddle you can begin pedalling away. It takes a lot of practice, but it makes it much easier to get practice actually riding if you don’t have to go find a place to prop yourself up on every time you fall off.

I don’t really remember exactly how long the whole process of learning to ride took, but it was in the range of 2-3 weeks of daily practice. It took longer to get solid enough to be able to handle bumps, going up and down minor hills, and dropping off of curves. Once I was confident enough that I could ride around without falling off, I started taking the occasional ride up and down my neighborhood street or around the park. I still felt goofy, but strangers seemed to enjoy seeing my waddle past on a unicycle. I guess my mild embarrassment is a small price to pay to brighten somebody’s day. It was really mainly about enjoying riding though.

At this point, I could claim to be able to ride a unicycle. That’s something to be proud of, but there’s still so much more to do!

It was time to learn some Cool Tricks. There are many out there, so I’m just going to tell you about the ones I attempted.

So, I don’t ride anymore. I’ve taken the EUC out for a spin on rare occasions, and lately the unicycle even rarer. The hobby-based OCD has moved on to other things (like blogging!), but not all is lost. This has happened many times in my life, where I pick up and drop a hobby and move on. These things stick with me, though. I have no regrets here.

For one, being able to ride a unicycle is a cool fun fact to have in your back pocket. If I ever have kids, you can bet I’ll be teaching them to ride. Two, the EUC is a great way to get around if I don’t want to take the car. This came in handy when the roads were icy last winter.

Also, on the morning of my first get-together with my now wife, she wasn’t sure if she was going to come over or not. We were talking on Instagram and I decided to upload a video of myself riding a unicycle around the park to my story. She saw that, and then decided to come over. I don’t think that in reality the unicycle video is what brought us together, but it is fun to think about.

The Algorithm gives: new experiences, ideas, skills, gadgets. And The Algorithm taketh away: money, mostly, and time. I think there’s an interesting contrast here between the old school unicycle world and the futuristic world of EUCs. In EUC world, we have a combination of genuine excitement around something cool (yeah, I think they’re cool. I said it!) and capitalistic social media incentives. People like me might find the OneWheel, and some people might even buy one. But I certainly wouldn’t start gaming YouTube and Instagram to make an income off of OneWheel content, whether or not I bought one. Without the incentives of social media influence, I don’t think OneWheels and EUCs would have the same reach. I just can’t imagine hearing about EUCs in a newspaper and buying one. I had to dive deep to finally pull the trigger on buying one.

In the world of unicycles, we don’t really have much in the way of advertising or social media influence. It’s all genuine passion. The unicycle community is one of the most friendly and supportive I have ever seen. The companies making and selling unicycles are often started by what passes for professional unicyclists. They’re selling unicycles because it’s what they want to do, not because it’s a great opportunity to make money.

This has been a long essay, and there’s not a lot to take away. What I hope you do take away from this is simple. Unicycles are awesome.